drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
