My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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