Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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