Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
