Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
