he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
