Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize