Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
