Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
