just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
