we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
