what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
