Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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