update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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