Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
