Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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