i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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