Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
