Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
