Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize