He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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