At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
