I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
