so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
