Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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