can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Randomize
