Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
this is an emotional support booty call
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize