Kiss
Puke
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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