i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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