what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
