Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
