He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
