you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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