When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
