I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
