Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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