Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
