He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
