kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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