my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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