i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
