The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
