They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
