the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
