There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
