Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
