Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
