i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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