non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
