u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
