The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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