Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
