I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
