So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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