dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
