im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize