Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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