no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
