and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
