I wish I could teleport
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
