I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
