i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
