I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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