if i can run in heels then i can drive
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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