How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
