I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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