I like to think it a success when the cops are called
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
